Maybe, I Just Need To Listen

I listen to This American Life pretty regularly. I have the podcast handy for the days at work when I just want to escape the mundane. Such was the case this afternoon. I was listening to an older episode titled, "Saves The Day" about people who do something that well... envokes the title. I'm always completely drawn into the program, listening to each story with rapt attention, sometimes so much so that I react to it, forgetting that I'm at work. Today, as I'm listening I couldn't help but think about how I want to give non-fiction another go.

I think to myself, I can do this.

The thing is, non-fiction and I have had, like, a really bad history. Non-fiction has been that really lame boyfriend that never listens or does what I want, for once. It's always been rocky and every time I've decided to give it a second or third or fourth chance, I just get really pissed off... 3-year-old style.

Non-fiction is for bitches, anyway! I'll proclaim even though I'm not sure what, exactly, that's supposed to mean. I'll throw my pen to the ground and my notebook, too. Then I'll tell everyone who will listen, which is usually either my boyfriend or the cat, that I'm a fiction writer. Non-fiction just isn't my thing. This is me totally justifying the fact that something was hard and I gave up.

As I listen, I obviously literally hear their voice but I also hear their voice in the phrasing they chose, how they express a conversation, etc. It's more conversational and yes, it's mostly because they are speaking to someone else but essentially, that's the idea. Written or verbal, I think non-fiction tries to convey a more concise message within the story. I feel that what the author is trying to say is pretty clear cut. No speculation like with fiction. I mean, I certainly could be wrong on this. I haven't read every piece of non-fiction that ever existed but from what I have read and more often, heard, this seems to be the case.

The biggest problem I seem to face is that I doubt myself in non-fiction. I think that there's something amiss when I write because I'm forced to be me. With fiction, I am these other characters. I can make them do whatever I want but when the story is directly about me in some way... I feel restricted and the writing suffers. I want to get over this hurdle so badly and when I'm listening to this podcast, it seems to click with me. Like, YES that's it, do you get it now? And I DO get it. It's just a matter of giving non-fiction another shot, of really trying and understanding that it's going to take a little more work than usual.

So, as the lights fade and REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling" begins to play. I'm holding my hand out to you, Non-Fiction and asking if maybe, we can give us just one more chance...